what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm passing your future prison.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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