Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
