Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
