...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you win again, gameday.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
