I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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