She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
