coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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