hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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