i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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