We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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