Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
