Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize