when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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