So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
