he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can I color on your dick again?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
