ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
