I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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