Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
