Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
