someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We are two peas in an std pod
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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