whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
