What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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