you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
