The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
