The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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