Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
