i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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