I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
