hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
