I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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