i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
