Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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