Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
