he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
only you would photoshop your dick
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
