yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You're like the curious george of whores
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
