Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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