wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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