I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
