Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
