I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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