My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
