I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
