Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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