Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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