And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
