Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
