I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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