her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
