Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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