I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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