i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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