I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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