I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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