Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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