a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
