i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
