don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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