Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
