would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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