u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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