Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
