I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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