how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
