That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
