honey bunches of taint.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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