tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
