its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
