you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
