its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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