be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
