last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
