There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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