I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
