i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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