Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize