WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
