i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
