The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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