I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
