Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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