I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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