Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
