my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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