just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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