i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
