Pants 0. Shit 1.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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