Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
