Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
