just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
