he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
