I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize