just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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