im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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