umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
