Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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