So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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