Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
